I’m sitting in your
dressing room. I’m looking into your eyes for some kind of an answer. We’ve been sitting here since the show ended.
That was two hours ago. And I don’t think either one of us has spoken
in about one hour and fifty-seven minutes. I’ll wait here all night for
an answer if I have to. But I really don’t want to wait that long. I hate waiting. There’s always
so much tension. So much anticipation.
Although, now I think another minute has passed, and the tension and anticipation are really dwindling. I’m not going to give up and leave, so it would probably be best if you would say something. Anything.
You stand up and start
to walk to the door. I’m not letting you leave that easily. I’ve waited here in silence for one hour and fifty-nine minutes now and I would really like an answer
before you run home. I grab your arm and turn you around to face me. And now there are tears building up in your eyes. I never
would have imagined this being so hard for you.
You walk back over to
your couch and sit down once more, this time with your face buried in your hands. I
don’t understand what is so difficult. It was such a simple question. And now we’ve sat here in silence for two hours while you think about your answer.
Two hours and one minute.
Two hours and two minutes.
Two hours and ten minutes.
I’m getting a little
frustrated, and if you’re not going to say anything to break our now one hundred and thirty-one minutes of silence,
then I am.
“Paula, I didn’t mean for this to be this hard for you. It’s
a simple yes or no question, but since we’ve been sitting here in silence for two hours and eleven minutes, I’m
guessing that you don’t find it so simple. Just please say something. Say anything. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking…” you
start. For a while, I think that is all you are going to say, but about
three minutes later, you are able to get more out. “I’m thinking that no matter what answer I give you,
I’m going to end up hurt.”
“What are you talking
about?” I ask, completely confused.
“If I say no, you
end up hurt, and that will hurt me. If I say yes, eventually it will come to
an end, and that will hurt me too. I’m just trying to think of what will
“Why are you so
sure it will end?”
“All good things
do, Simon. Trust me.”
“Just because it
hasn’t worked for you before doesn’t mean it won’t this time.”
noticed that it doesn’t really work for anybody anymore? I really don’t
know if I can put myself through that again. I don’t even understand how
I’m having this conversation with you. You never wanted this in the first
place. You’ve always said so.”
“That was before
I considered it with you.”
I walk towards your couch
and sit down next to you. I wrap my arms around your waist and kiss your neck. You shift your position so that your legs are up on the couch also and your back
is to me, and youe lay your head against my chest. I notice how heavy your breathing
is and realize that you are doing everything you can to not start crying again.
Suddenly, I feel terrible. Like I’m trying to pressure you
into something you don’t want and not giving you much of a choice one way or the other.
I press a kiss to the
top of your head, and you sigh once more. “I’m just so scared.”
“Paula, do you trust
“Of course I trust
you. It’s just that I…”
interrupt. “If you trust me, then you’ll trust me when I promise you that I will love you for the rest of your
life. I will be with you everyday for the rest of your life. I will wait on you hand and foot everyday for the rest of your life.
Paula, if you love me and trust me, I don’t see any reason for you to be scared.”
You turn around and press
a kiss to my lips, and, in that one moment, all of the waiting I’ve done all night is completely worth it, and I am
more sure than ever that I want you by my side for the rest of my life.
You breathe in a huge
deep breath as if it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your entire life and breathe out, almost silently,
capture your mouth with mine, and, in that one moment, all of the waiting I’ve done my entire life is completely worth